Secretions Magnifiques- Etat Libre D'Orange

 The Verdict: Blood, semen, and sweat is an entirely accurate warning.

Secretions, Magnifiques. I guess the name itself says it all. Unless you find bodily secretions pleasurable to smell outside the bedroom, bathroom or emergency room, you might want to skip this fragrance experience.

First of all, what strikes me is the whimsical little penis exploding like a little fountain. Reminds me of those old Disney cartoons where Donald is bathing blissfully, or when the Big Bad Wolf realises he's in some serious hot water. Surely something this cute cant be all that bad, right?

On first application, I couldn't help myself, I blotted it on my wrist and sniffed it straight away before it even had a chance to dry. Nice, a bit of soft musk. Replacing the stopper on the tester, I then went in for a second sniff......and dear god, how I regretted doing that. Immediately, a brick formed in my throat, and my stomach contents were swirling.

If you have ever gutted a fresh fish and rubbed your nose in the innards, thats pretty much what this smells like. Raw, metallic, cold, salty, fleshy and bloody, with the tiniest undercurrent of floral accents straining to take the edge off this being completely and utterly repugnant. From 2 to 3 inches away, you can detect the forlorn, sweet floral, not unlike Chanel No. 5 EDT, but any closer and the gag reflex is activated. Its peculiar how you dont really smell this, you taste it on the inside of your cheeks and around your teeth. Probably because the stench not something you generally smell, but taste.
I really was caught with my pants down on this one, I mean I dont know what I expected it to smell like, even given the description, name and picture. Maybe some musk and salt, or a tinge of sweaty balls at the most? Just goes to show, you cant be prepared for everything and shouldn't overestimate your tolerance threshold.

The lasting power is truly quite remarkable, a good scrub with dish liquid, liquid soap AND spray on Dettol will not move this stuff. I am currently eying up the fly spray.

I have to say, as repelling as this stuff is, I give it 10/10 for being a perfectly executed scent, utterly unique, and fascinating. The creativity that went into this is truly extraordinary and I cant help but admire this scent for being the untouchable, vulgar work of art it is. I love to hate it.

I would recommend that everyone should smell this at least once in their lifetime. Wearing it however, I would strongly advise against. I would buy a bottle simply to amuse and horrify friends and family. Pull it out and ask them if they would like to try some. I get a kick out of watching people react to things like this, like the 2 girls and 1 cup video reactions. Maybe I should start a viral perfume reaction on Youtube.....

I have this friend who picks up perfume and sprays herself with it immediately, THEN decides to sniff it. I swear, it drives me crazy when she does this. But I'm rubbing my hands together with glee at the thought of springing this one on her. Perhaps it will cure her of her flippant spraying habits once and for all.

Secretions Magnifiques comes in 50ml EDT and retails at $160 at Mecca Cometica.


Sheilimar said...

What a great review :D

I recently tested a sample of this creation and my reaction was exactly the same. I did a review for it on the Fragrantica site, see below.

As a lifelong and devoted sceptic, in spite of all the horror this thing seems to evoke, I could not believe that the notes shown could combine to be as bad as people are saying. Blood /saliva/sperm accords? LOL really. I'm a bit old for all that nonsense (45).

Despite all the silly sexual prose this is, after all, a perfume, created by an artist to the specification of a company, whose aim is to sell the product to appreciative customers of fine fragrances. So with that in mind, I opened the vial and placed a small dab in the little hollow beneath my thumb on my wrist.

I caught a waft of flower riding on an uncomfortable, gag-inducing note that is metallic/salty/bile. This is not pleasant. No, this is very unpleasant. I have smelt this smell at the end of a stomach bug, when I have wretched up everything I have and hit the green stuff that comes from the lowest depths of the digestive system. I am not trying to be poetic or melodramatic, it is that specific smell that dominates this thing. I showered and have removed this liquid but it is still haunting my nose and throat. No perfume has ever made me physically uncomfortable, not even Dazzling Silver which I found...challenging.

I have placed this sample in another sealable plastic bag and placed it far from my scent drawer while I decide what to do with it. It will never be opened again under my roof.

I can only ask WHY? WHY would anyone knowingly want to smell like this? WHY would someone hope to sell this as a fragrance?

As a piece of art I compare it to those odd things that appear for the Turner prize, messed up bed, preserved corpse, piece of road tarmac, you get the idea. Might make a statement of something but you wouldn't want it in your living space!

If I had not already smelt Charogne and Divin'Enfant and found them to be pleasing, I would not go near ELDO after experiencing SM.

I am afraid to say that it IS every bit as offensive as others are saying, it is not just the reputation and blurb, it is vile. This one should have been Sex Pistols :D I am sure Johny Rotten would endorse this as an enhancer for BO and halitosis.

Enjoy your sample!

So you see we are totally in agreement with this one! x

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